


Catharsis

by yuunjiemi



Series: blooming [1]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Watcher Entertainment RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Sleepy Cuddles, and ryan is here to help, ensue accidental love confession, lowkey shane having mental breakdown and maybe identity crisis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:40:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25084015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuunjiemi/pseuds/yuunjiemi
Summary: Ryan held his phone against his ear. After few long beeps, the call was picked and he could hear heavy breathing despite the forced huffs of one trying to calm themselves. Ryan immediately tensed up, Shane would never allow himself to sound snotty.“S-Shane?”He could almost hear the hitch in his breath and followed by something that almost sounded like sniffle. That alone shot Ryan straight to his feet and had him scrambling for his shoes.Everything was as okay as it can get. But then, who would have expected Shane of all people to have a mental breakdown?
Relationships: Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej
Series: blooming [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1833049
Comments: 24
Kudos: 159





	Catharsis

**Author's Note:**

> okay, listen.
> 
> I watched "Making Watcher" on Watcher (isn't that a mouthful) and there was this bit where Shane said he cried because someone had to cancel their guest feature.
> 
> And I thought to myself, isn't that the most delicious prompt to write about so yeah, here it is. Enjoyyyy

_“Shane, we really need to shoot that scene again.”_

Ryan would have safely said the day has been hectic, but that would be the understatement of the year. With the trailer out in the open, the anticipation from the viewers and all the other people Ryan know are bearing down on his back. It was even more stressful than planning the entirety of Unsolved seasons. So, yes, it was safe to say it has been a hectic day.

Ryan remembered proposing the idea of making a documentary about the process of making the Watcher company. When he presented the idea, Steven almost hurled his office chair at Ryan but thankfully, it has calmed down to occasional glares.

Shane smirked and put on his headphone. “Later, later.”

Ryan’s other problem was his towering friend. He had asked Shane if he could help him out on “Making Watcher” series but the results were a little _unsatisfactory_.

“Shane.”

Shane pretended to not hear what he has just said and hummed a tune as he skimmed over the scripts on his computer. Ryan sighed and sat down on one of the cushy settees placed randomly in the room. Shane has been giving nonchalant and sarcastic answers on the questionnaire part of the series and Ryan simply couldn’t get him to act seriously. He had gone into one of his “chill” modes when he was under high stress. It was his own, quite questionable way of dealing with anxiety and pressure. That, and he was proving difficult to co-operate.

Ryan stood up and walked over to the giant who was nestling on his chair, and grabbed his headphones. Shane yelped out in surprise and turned around with an amused look. “What?”

It felt weird to look down on Shane, well, the difference wasn’t that much but it felt weird to look at almost eye-level. “I need you to do the QnA scene, your answers were either too short or too hilarious.”

Few moments pass until Ryan felt hands gently slipping past his fingers until Shane took his headphones back. Blinking, Ryan wasn’t really sure why he was hyper-aware of Shane’s hands. He had coffee just a few minutes ago, so it must be the caffeine doing its caffeinated surges around his body.

“Steven said some pretty decent stuff, why not cut a few of mine and replace it with his ones?” With that and a shrug, Shane was pulling his headphone back to his ears and before he knew what he was doing, Ryan had his hands around his wrists. He found himself opening his mouth despite the rushing thoughts circling his mind. “You know I can’t do that, not when you at least have to give some insight or it would be only Steven talking.”

Undoubtedly, Shane was eyeing Ryan’s hands, a neutral expression subduing the slight puzzlement evident between the crease of his eyebrows. It felt even weirder when Ryan realized just how close he was to Shane. Sure, he has gotten used to getting zoomed views on his face when they were sitting on their Unsolved table or when they were hanging around some haunted buildings but once the camera shuts, they usually went their separate ways.

Ryan cleared his throat and let his hands loose. “So, will you do it again? I really need a good few sentences.”

God, he was being awfully generous with Shane here and yet the guy had the audacity to smirk. “Okay, Ryan, how about we go through it like, tomorrow? I need to finish my script for Puppet History.” He gestured at his laptop screen.

Ryan slowly nodded and left Shane to his devices. He really needs a coffee.

-

It was mid-week since the release of the trailer, the expectation had mounted way over than they had initially thought. The famous Buzzfeed duo has moved away to their channel with the Worth It Steven Lim and things couldn’t be more perfect.

Ryan has been pitching ideas and struck a goldmine with “Are You Scared?” and went to write the outlines for this series. He had been running around the office, he couldn’t count on Buzzfeed research team now so he had to do everything himself. Surprisingly, he prefers this solo work more than he did with Unsolved, not to say he didn’t enjoy it as much, but he liked having the control of his work.

He was walking into the office room when he stumbled upon Shane fluently cursing as he tapped his laptop wildly while the printer was humming all sorts of noises.

“Shane, you all right?”

Shane turned around, mouth slightly ajar until he gave a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Everything’s peachy.”

Ryan nodded and moved to the other printer that was right next to the printer with fuming Shane. Ryan had seen Shane go through a series of emotions throughout the weeks, whether it was from abrupt joy or unmitigated anger. As Ryan was connecting his laptop, the printer next to him gave a final great hum and went silent. Shane groaned out, seething as he knocked on the printer ruthlessly.

“Hey, you’re going to break that.”

“Gee, thanks Ryan, I couldn’t tell,” Shane said, unplugging his laptop and dropping the cords. “This stupid printer ate up the papers that were supposed to be the stick figures for Black Death episode. Now it’s just a trash, everything is just a _trash_.”

With that, Shane went storming out of the room, leaving Ryan in a bewildered state.

-

It was Sunday, the crew had decided to take a tiny break before they resume another hectic week after another hectic week. In the comforts of his soft couch, Ryan has been absentmindedly scrolling through the channels when his phone ringed before dying quickly. Confused, Ryan picked up his phone and realized Shane has just dialled, albeit the smallest call time.

Ryan sent a quick text, perhaps he had accidentally dialled him. When his text was ignored, a sense of worry bubbled in him as Shane was an active individual on social media, especially to messages from him. His heart rate picked up the speed his thoughts were going and he tried to rationalize why Shane wasn’t responding.

Ryan sent another text, with exclamation mark remind you, and waited another minute, leg bobbing up and down as he refreshed the tab. He paused for a moment, why was he suddenly so worked over a misdial? 

Deciding to call him instead of repeated texts, Ryan held his phone against his ear. After a few long beeps, the call was picked and he could hear heavy breathing despite the forced huffs of one trying to calm themselves. Ryan immediately tensed up, Shane would never allow himself to sound snotty.

“S-Shane?”

He could almost hear the hitch in his breath and followed by something that almost sounded like a sniffle. That alone shot Ryan straight to his feet and had him scrambling for his shoes. “Shane, where are you? Are you okay?!” He almost fell over himself when he went tumbling into his car and his phone slipped past his fingers. Hurriedly, he picked up the phone and brought it to his ear.

The line was silent.

Cursing, Ryan flung his phone onto the seat and drove to Shane’s home, to which he arrived pretty fast if you count the fact that Ryan rushed past cars like Fast and Furious trailer. Once he pulled his car over in an open parking area next to the building, he rushed in and found himself borderline-banging on the door. 

“Shane! I know you’re in there, so you better open this up!” Ryan yelled, ready to climb through Shane’s balcony if he has to.

He must look utterly ridiculous, he thinks he looks ridiculous, but the thought of Shane crying was so absurd and beyond supernatural that it made ghosts and demons and what-not seem irrelevant. Chills run down his spine as Ryan thought of possible psychos getting to Shane. He covered a lot of sceptical cases to know that anything can happen to anyone, especially to ones who can easily be targeted for documenting series about murderers and serial killers.

There was a distinct scrambling noise behind the door that triggered Ryan’s fight or flight instinct and he was just about to tear down the door when a crisp click of door unlocking reached his ears. Panic gripped his heart and Ryan thought for a split second that there could be an axe-carrying-murder-man behind the door when it swung open to reveal dishevelled Shane with obvious bloodshot eyes.

It took a few minutes for the two to register each other, eyes clashing in frenzied confusion as they simply stared. Ryan’s heart is pumping like crazy, almost morbid sort of way that could have him dead for surging blood too fast. He is awestruck by the way there were still fresh trails of tears that seemed like it was hastily wiped on Shane’s pale cheeks and he couldn’t help but take a step forward.

“Are you okay?”

It was a simple, stupid question that Ryan already knew the answer to. However, Shane managed to crack a smile, albeit a little forced, and gestured him inside his home. “I- I am okay.” It sounded more like a question than a statement and Ryan could almost hear the exhaustion behind his words as he walked to the sofa.

Everything seemed fine, well, as far as the physical possessions go. Ryan turned around and took a better look at Shane, who was for the first time in the recorded history of their time spent together, was nervous and looking awfully small for someone so tall. 

“Dude, what happened?”

Shane refused to meet his gaze, instead taking interest on the nearby mug that said ‘Best ~~Dad~~ Coworker’. After a pause, he cursed under his breath. “Jesus, this is too embarrassing to talk.”

“What do you mean by that? Shane, my mind almost melted when I received a goddamn call from you where you were cr– “

“Shut up.” Realizing that Ryan went quiet, he stammered out in a hurry. “I meant, just, don’t- I really can’t deal with this right now.”

“Okay, but what’s up with you? You know, you have been acting weird ever since like 2 weeks ago, what’s going on with you?”

“Let me get something straight with you, Ryan,” The serious tone in his voice took Ryan by surprise. “When there are shows and series made specifically by me alone, I take my stuff seriously. That means everything has to be on point, I can’t just hand in a lousy work and call it a day. So, when I received a call just an hour or so ago telling me that the guest for tomorrow’s shooting had to cancel their arrival, I just had the worst mental breakdown of the century.”

The sudden confession had stunned Ryan to astonishment. Is that why he was crying? Because the person cancelled their guest feature?

Shane took his silence as an offended one. “Sorry, I know I haven’t been myself. God, I- “ He spoke with clear frustration and distress as he paced around the room.

“I just feel useless.”

Shock, astonishment. No words can describe the incredulous feeling that arose from his gut as Ryan stared at Shane. 

“ _What?_ ” It was all he seemed to be capable of saying.

Shane groaned out, promptly flinging himself onto the armchair adjacent to the sofa. He didn’t reply, just buries his head in his hands. The room went awfully quiet, with last oblique rays of the setting sun filtering through the white curtain that fluttered by the passing wind. Ryan didn’t know what to do. He had never dealt with problems like these. How can he, when his own emotions were a mess.

Ryan scooted over to the end of the sofa, just a few inches shy from the towering giant. He thought of the supportive words that were frequent in therapies, the positive remarks from the counselling sessions that Ryan went sometimes. However, the jarring reality that a few well-placed words can’t placate the deeply settled feelings in someone’s heart had nerved Ryan, what if he accidentally destroyed someone’s life by giving the wrong advice?

But Shane was his friend, and these are the times when a friend's true nature is shown.

Ryan inched over a little, just a fraction. “Hey, big guy. It’s okay. Well, I don’t know if it’s okay for me to suddenly say it’s okay but it’s okay to have doubts like that.”

Silence settled in as Ryan looked for any indication whether he should continue or just altogether stop because he was terrible at pep-talking.

“What if I am useless to you both?” Shane murmured against his hands, voice low and raspy. “Steven handles all of the business sides of the company while you handle the content providence. I am just a trolley wagon that’s hanging on the back following the Pied Piper or whatever.”

“But you aren’t! Shane, god,” Ryan took a deep breath, mind racing with all the things he wanted to say. “Shane, you are like the glue that keeps us anchored to our tasks, both of us would have lost our minds if it weren’t were for your light-hearted and calm vibe. Watcher wouldn’t be what it is if you or anyone else was gone, and that’s a fact.’

The sun has already set down, only a drop of murky orange visible in the dark veil of night. The warm breeze that ventured in occasionally now carried a cold edge in it, a sharp tinge of bitterness that cut against Ryan’s skin.

His attention was turned when a small laugh issued next to him and Ryan saw Shane smiling through his fingers as he looked up, wet eyes swirling with emotions as he grinned.

“Did you mean that? What you just said right now, that I somehow manage to keep your sanities together?”

Ryan smiled, his heart tugging with relief. “Steven would have kissed you thanks even though he likes to act like a tough guy.”

A pause, before Shane exhaled. “How about you, would you have kissed me?”

Ryan felt all of his oxygen swept away by some unknown force and his mouth suddenly felt dry. His heart was racing, the rhythmic pounding against his ribs almost audible in the deadly silent house. He tried to joke, “What kind of question is that?”

Shane was looking at him with a bit too much alert than Ryan would like, and déjà vu hit him as he was reminded again how close they were, how he can almost feel Shane’s warm exhales on his face. It felt like warm caresses on his cold skin. A soft, almost teasing touch that made Ryan want more of that warmth.

“Ryan, do you like me?”

There it is, the anticipated question that rocked Ryan’s entire world. Ryan knew he had a thing for Shane and panicked that he might not be as straight as he thought he was. He had thought he liked men but it wasn’t just that either. 

He just liked Shane, liked his laid-back attitude, liked his jokes, liked the towering man looking out for his back, liked the fact that he could easily lift his mood with few not-so-lame-after-all jokes.

He liked it.

“I do, I do like you.”

The confessions seemed to shock Shane more than Ryan, the wide set of eyes as he tried to look into Ryan, prying into his mind and soul and oh my god, he can’t get enough of his piercing gaze. Shane was leaning in more until he was pressing Ryan into the coach, eyes wrought with unadulterated need. 

Shane brought his hand up to Ryan’s cheek, gave an experimental squish and smiled. The cold stings from the wind had been nullified by Shane’s body heat and Ryan fought the urge to nuzzle into the juncture between his neck and chest.

Slowly, torturously, Shane dipped down just an inch so their lips were almost grazing, sending an explosion of forbidden feelings down Ryan’s body. He squirmed, hand somehow finding its way to Shane’s shirt and tugged. The hand that wound up around Ryan’s cheek were now sloppily rubbing circles as Shane leaned in.

Softest lips press almost hesitatingly against him, and god, Ryan has never felt this satisfied in his life before. He had always imagined their fictional, first kiss would be hungry and lust-driven and yet, the soft, sensual drag of their lips that sent tingles all over their body was better. Shane’s other hand ghosted down Ryan’s sloppily worn shirt before sliding under the hem to grasp his hips, dragging his fingers up and down to feel his muscles to which Ryan silently thanked the universe for letting him find the time to go to the gym.

With a last wet suck, they were both pulling away slightly to collect themselves, whether it is from lack of oxygen or the fact that they just kissed. Ryan exhaled slowly as he still felt the ghost of Shane’s delicate lips on him, heart hammering rapidly as they pressed their heads together, drinking in each other’s appearance.

“I did not expect this to go _this_ way,” Shane said suddenly, eyes closing with a content sigh.

Ryan chuckled, a little drowsy after the afterglow of caffeine leaving his system. “I didn’t expect it either, but I am glad it did.” Shane grinned, before placing another delicate kiss as if he couldn’t get enough of it.

They stayed like that for a while, basking in each other’s warmth before Ryan nudged Shane. “So, does this make us a couple or-?”

Shane who was lazily mouthing Ryan’s neck, rose expectantly as he opened his eyes. “Do you want us to? To, you know, date?”

Ryan grinned. He was really in love with this man. “Yeah.”

They were both grinning now with no restrictions that soon dissolved into laughs that echoed through the room. 

After a small pause, Shane dipped down to rest his head against Ryan’s shoulder. “Will you stay over, since you already decided to come rampaging through my front door?”

Ryan groaned out. “Hey, I panicked, okay? I got so scared you were kidnapped or something. But yeah, I will stay over.”

Shane hummed against his collarbones, sending vibrations through Ryan’s shirt and tickling him. “I am really glad that you’re here, but if it makes you uncomfortable then you don’t have to- “

Ryan shut him up with a kiss on his forehead. “Shane, you worry too much,” He said as he brought his hand to card through Shane’s messy locks, untangling few strands before resuming to rub massages to his temple. “Though it will be weird if we arrive together at the same time, Steven’s gonna go bollocks when he finds out we’re dating.”

“I am sure he will, but that’s future Shane’s problem. Right now, I am only concerned with you.” 

Humming, Ryan closed his eyes but kept sifting his fingers through the drowsy giant hair as Shane’s breathing evened out, soon gentle snores filling the darkroom.

He thought of the times when they cuddled like this, which was so scarce and seldom. He only remembered the trip to the Sallie House which have been a day fraught with drama and Ryan couldn’t sleep a wink without shooting up every time there was a creak or thud. Shane, growing tired of Ryan nudging him awake, simply slung his elongated limbs over Ryan and snored his ear off. It had somehow calmed him down and Ryan had found himself nodding off.

It seemed so different back then and yet, Shane was dozing off on him just like he did at that time. The moon was shining brightly tonight, soft silver glow placating the earlier tension as chilly winds glided in. But he was feeling none of it, just warmth radiating from his substitute-blanket lanky man that had settled himself on top of Ryan quite literally.

Sighing out in content, Ryan closed his eyes and listened to the soothing snores.

He could get used to this.

**Author's Note:**

> Please do leave a comment and kudos, I would even read about what you had for breakfast this morning.


End file.
